Transitioning from parenting one child to two is often described as going from manageable chaos to complete overwhelm. For neurodivergent parents, this shift can feel like an earthquake shaking the foundation of every coping mechanism you’ve built.
Tasks that once felt just about achievable might now seem impossible, leading to frustration, self-doubt, and burnout.
Why It Feels Harder with Two Kids
Increased Demand on the Cognitive Load: The demands of managing two children aren’t just doubled where everything is technically the same but takes longer time wise.
They’re multiplied.
Your brain is now constantly switching between two sets of needs (three if you include you own, four if you include your partner).
That's two, three, maybe four different schedules, emotions, like & dislikes. It can completely overwhelm your executive functioning.
Less Time for Recharge: With one child, you might have found small moments to decompress. With two or more, those moments often disappear as you juggle competing priorities.
Amplified Emotional Labour: Neurodivergent parents are already working hard to manage their own emotions and sensory inputs. You may have learnt to just about manage your own and your 1st child’s but when you have multiple children the number of different needs can tip the balance into overload.
More Moving Parts: When managing two or more children, even small changes such as a delayed nap, a forgotten bag can quickly spiral into larger issues, making life feel less predictable and harder to control.
Understanding the Challenges Through a Neurodivergent Lens & Executive Dysfunction: Struggling to stay on top of multiple schedules can lead to forgetting appointments, losing track of time, or feeling perpetually disorganised.
Sensory Overload: Two children often mean twice the noise, movement, and unpredictability. For parents sensitive to sensory input, this can be overwhelming.
All-or-Nothing Thinking: When things go wrong, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing altogether. This mindset can lead to burnout and reluctance to try again.
Strategies to Lighten the Load
1. Prioritise Simplicity: Let go of the pressure to do everything perfectly.
Simplify routines by: Focusing on flexible schedules instead of rigid ones.
Keeping go-to meals, clothes, and activities streamlined to reduce decision fatigue.
2. Delegate Whenever Possible: No one can do it all alone. Whether it’s asking your partner to handle bath time or outsourcing tasks like cleaning, sharing the load can make a huge difference.
3. Create Visual Aids: Use shared calendars, checklists, or chore charts to help keep track of everyone’s needs. Apps like Cozi or reminders on your phone can serve as external executive functioning aids.
4. Build in Recharge Time: Don't be tempted to fill every white space on your calendar. Give yourself recharge time. Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day, create moments where you can reset. Tag in a partner or friend to cover childcare while you step away, even briefly.
5. Lean Into Community: You don’t have to navigate this transition alone. Connecting with other neurodivergent parents can provide validation, advice, and emotional support. Online forums and local support groups are excellent places to start.
Reframe Your Expectations of Yourself. It’s okay if you’re not the same parent to two children as you were to one.
Your parenting style will adapt and evolve with time, and that’s a sign of growth, not failure.
Celebrate the small wins—whether it’s a calm morning or a bedtime routine that finally worked. Every effort counts, and you are doing enough.
Parenting with ADHD isn’t about doing it all perfectly; it’s about finding a rhythm that works for you and your family. With patience, self compassion, and the right support systems, you can navigate this transition and create a loving, manageable environment for everyone in your home.
Coaching can provide the tailored support needed to navigate these transitions, offering a safe space to explore challenges, build effective strategies, and regain a sense of control and confidence as a neurodivergent parent.

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